It’s a call Richard Hill of Compass Financial Group in Raleigh, NC, will never forget.

The children of his client, Carolyn,* whom he’d never met, called to tell him she was in a coma after contracting a severe case of spinal meningitis. Her doctors said she’d survive but wouldn’t be the same cognitively or physically—nor would she be able to live independently anymore.

“What’s the plan?” her daughter asked, her voice trembling.

Richard was surprised she was asking him and quickly realized why—there was no plan.

Carolyn’s children were in crisis mode

They had to figure out where she would live, who would care for her, and how to pay for it. Due to her condition, Carolyn couldn’t take part in any of these decisions.

Richard felt awful that they were in this situation. If only we’d talked about this sooner, he thought. He felt like he’d let them down. He was hesitant to bring up how to prepare for age-related challenges with Carolyn, fearing it would make her uncomfortable and that she’d delay the conversation.

But after what happened to Carolyn, Richard was determined to help his other clients avert a similar disaster. So, he found a way to proactively engage clients in discussions about their age-related needs, ensuring these conversations are both comfortable and productive.

How to Start the Conversation Using Framing

Framing helps make the topic less intimidating to the client because it provides perspective without putting them on the spot.

Without framing, introducing the topic could sound like:

“I noticed we haven’t done any estate or longevity planning yet. What would happen if you became ill, impaired, or worse? Let’s get that done.”

An abrupt approach that uses fear to motivate clients will likely cause them to put a wall up.

On the other hand, framing the conversation around a personal experience can get to the heart of the matter with sensitivity and empathy.

With framing, the conversation could begin this way:

“I’ve been thinking about how important it is to have things in order for the future. Have you ever had a parent or loved one who:

• Was diagnosed with a serious or life-threatening illness, and you had to coordinate care?
• Became physically or cognitively impaired, and you were involved in coordinating care?
• Passed away and you were involved in settling the estate?”

Rather than asking all three questions, choose the appropriate ones based on what you know about your client. Nearly all Richard’s clients say yes to at least one of them. Then he asks, “How was that experience?”

Usually, he hears one of two things. For example:

1. “It was my mom who passed, and we had everything in order. It was emotional for us, but mom laid everything out, and it was easy and smooth.”

   In this case, I’d express how fortunate they were and acknowledge what a relief it must’ve been to have the space to grieve without the added stress of figuring everything out themselves.

2. “Mom and dad did no planning, and it was a nightmare. Dad was lost and unsure of what to do. We had to clear out the house, sell all of mom’s belongings, and find a suitable place for dad.”

   In this case, he’d express his condolences and acknowledge how difficult it must’ve been for them.

From there, Richard continues: “Would you consider doing some planning to make things easier for your loved ones down the line?”

After reflecting on their experience, clients often say, “I don’t want my kids to go through what I did,” or “I want to ensure my kids have the same ease of settling my estate that I had with mom’s.” They don’t want to be a burden to their children. At this point, Richard begins developing their plan, often considering other relevant professionals, which we’ll cover in the third section.

Action step: Try asking a client who doesn’t yet have a longevity plan in place one of the framing questions.

How to Start the Conversation Using Stories

Stories are a powerful way to introduce the need for planning because they help clients envision themselves in a scenario and learn from others’ experiences without having to go through them firsthand. Richard often tells his clients about Carolyn—and what happened afterwards.

Thankfully, Carolyn was released from the hospital, but the road to recovery was rough. She moved to an assisted living community, a decision made without her input. A week later, Richard received another alarming call: Carolyn’s children were rushing back to town because she’d fled the facility. She was found walking down the highway at night in her pajamas, clearly distressed and just wanting to be home.

Richard shares this story with his clients for two main reasons:

1. It helps them understand that no one can predict when or under what circumstances they’ll need this type of plan.

2. If clients don’t make these decisions themselves, someone else will have to do it for them. Carolyn’s illness took away her control, and she was subject to what others decided for her.

Richard goes on to tell his clients, “I want you to be the one who makes the decisions, now, while you’re healthy. Then I’d like us to communicate the plan to your family. This way, they won’t need to panic if a situation arises—they’ll just follow the plan.”

Action step: Do you know anyone, professionally or personally, who’s had an experience like Carolyn’s? If so, try sharing their story to convey the need for creating a plan before a crisis arises (while protecting their privacy).

How to Leverage Other Professionals

Having these conversations is a major step, but many financial professionals can’t provide the full range of longevity-planning solutions that clients need. Richard partners with local professionals that complement his expertise to help meet and prepare for clients’ age-related challenges.

Here are some of the professional resources you can leverage or incorporate as you continue developing your clients’ longevity plan:

Care Management

• Life-care manager

• Elder-law attorney

Aging in Place

• Certified aging-in-place specialists (CAPS)

Senior Living

• Director at an assisted-living community, 55+ community, or skilled nursing facility

• Real-estate agent (specializing in downsizing)

Clients or children of clients who decide to use these resources won’t have to shop around or frantically search for them. Be sure to revisit the plan every year or two and update it if necessary.

Action step: Identify reputable professionals and services that you can use to help shape your clients’ longevity plans.

What if My Client Resists the Conversation?

If clients strongly resist, which is rare, Richard respects their wishes and revisits the topic during follow-up or annual meetings.

Transform Tough Conversations

It can be tempting to avoid discussing topics related to aging and mortality with clients. Some financial professionals might not feel equipped, while some clients might feel uneasy and procrastinate. But Carolyn’s story is a valuable lesson. Richard is dedicated to helping his clients make critical decisions before a crisis occurs—not in the throes of one. Using these strategies makes conversations about the challenges of aging much easier, and his clients more willing to engage. This approach opens the door to effective planning and peace of mind.

Next Step

1. Try the framing or the story approach with a client this week to start a longevity-planning conversation