Or, as I like to say, couples go to their marriage counselor and talk about money and go to their financial advisor to talk about their marriage.
Let's look at an example. Ray and Mary are middle-aged and married. Ray constantly worries about his portfolio performance. Ray's anxiety raises when the stock market dips, even a bit. Mary tries to calm Ray by telling him not to worry. However, her assurance that "everything will be okay" does not help Ray relax. They have even fought in front of you about how they believe their assets should be allocated.
When Ray was young, his grandparents lost their home due to lack of retirement planning and high medical bills. As a result, his aging grandparents moved in with Ray's parents. As the oldest child in the family, Ray had to help care for his ill grandparents. He watched his own parents financially struggle to take care of not only Ray and his siblings, but also Ray's grandparents. As a young adult, he vowed that he would never put such responsibility on his own children or grandchildren. As soon as he started earning an income as a teenager, he opened a savings account and earmarked part of that savings for retirement.
From an outsider looking into Ray and Mary's relationship, they appear to have their finances in order and a clear pathway to retirement. However, Ray's worry isn't rational. To him, money is the only form of security that exists. If the money disappears, then in his mind he has failed and will become a financial burden to his children and grandchildren. On the other hand, Mary feels everything is fine because she views their finances from a more rational perspective. Mary's ease with the situation actually causes Ray to have even more anxiety, as he believes that she should understand his feelings and be on his side.